Just realised how much I owe it to myself. I cannot give in anymore. Even if I lose friends, or anyone insignificant. If I can’t say yes to myself. Who will ever do that for me.
I have grown into a bigger bitch. And I can’t help it at all. I am sorry.
This trip is turning into a mess. And honestly I should have gone there by myself.
I swear to you that mothers are always right. Just say I was telling her my holiday plans with the girls, my mom warned me about the newly wed Girlfriend. And how she will have mixed feelings. And true enough, just 1hr later, she backed out!!
Honestly! Nothing to say.
And so every month, a close foodie buddy will ask me out on a dinner tasting.
And so every month, I would be happy and excited to break from the normal routine. And so every month, I will play dress up and feel all girly again.
And so every month, I will pour out every single emotions out.
And so every month, I will drink myself happy.
And so every month, I may overdo it and drink myself drunk.
And so every month, the world concluded that I am one unlucky soul. To see my ex fiancé with another girl.
And so every month, I would bump into not just one ex fiancé, but sometimes two.
And so every month, I concluded the world is not a place for people like me.
And so every month, the glasses of expensive cocktails go on endlessly.
And April is one such month.
When I was in Taiwan, I fell in love with the bubbly self, always smiling and chatting. That oneself that is so game to do anything.
When I was in Turkey, I fell in love with the serene self, quiet and thinking while the whole just go by. Engulfed by the sheer beauty of the ruins, often oneself will shed the tear realising how much more there is to life.
When I was in HongKong, I fell in love with the reckless self. I have only started to gain back what I lost for the past 3 years, and in hongkong I let loose knowing that I deserve it. Because I know that I need to escape and give myself a pat on the back.
To the next adventure please!
How long had it been since I swing by here to pen some thoughts.
April has just started, and it just hit me hard with alot of work, and endless lack of rest. The body is so tired, that I don’t understand the purpose of working at all. The joy it brings sometimes lies to the body, that everything will be alright. And when I finally get back home (usually at 11pm daily), the body would go into a complete shock.
“Like what the fuck just happened?”
People come and people go. And a lot of times, I chose to shut many out. I should be over it by now, but yet I can’t seemed to let anyone in. Twice life had bitten me down hard, and I finally learnt my lesson.
Dancers are meant to be alone, just because the society will never accept them for who they are.
Til someone is willing to give themselves up as much as I would, I believe that I am a selfish bitch.
Through and through.