Freeing myself. 

We met. It’s the most painful thing. To know that I am not someone worth fighting for. I can see it in your eyes, and I knew that it’s a lost case. 

Today I shall be free. You have lost me, wholeheartedly and entirely. 

Good night. 

The nights are the hardest. I simply can’t sleep. The clock ticked by, and the world keep slips into a deep slumber, one at a time. And here I am, wake awake. 

The nights are the hardest. In the day, I can meet my friends. I can have my family around me. I can feel safe. But at night, I am lonely. 

The nights are the hardest. Where I walk aimless in and out of bed, looking out the room and up to the sky and wonder why God? What have I done to deserve all these? 

The nights are the hardest. When I realised how much I still love you, desired every inch of your body curl up around me. Cuddling and protect me and breathing softly down my back. 

The nights are the hardest. 

WEDNESDAY 

Are we even not worth it? I do not deserve my own happy ending? No one say it was easy. Then why do my heart ache so much when I wake up in tears, day after day? What did I do, to deserve all the complexity of life, bestowed upon me? Am I such a bad person? 

Wiping those tears so that my family don’t see me in this state. 

Tuesday 

The heart is heavy, my head is heavy. My mother told me that it’s a good decision, my father looked on with his sad eyes. And I burst out crying.

This is not what I want, and I want that future I always yearn with him. Why did I stop fighting? But to let it go, is the most logical and only way isn’t it? 

But it seems like only I hurt so bad.