I think recently I have come to a point of self-questioning!! I’ve work for so long, danced for so long, partied hard and be Denise for so long! That I’m suddenly very sick and tired of it ): ):
What do I want in life now? What goals I’ve now? Do I want you, my job, my current life now? Do I want to go back and study? Do I even love dance? All this fucked-up questions, I’m not very sure.
Self-questioning is crap! Simply because I thought I was happy. And things that happened in my life happened for a reason! And suddenly I realised that I’m tired. Tired of being pushed around. Tired of people telling me to do this and that. Tired of the fact that I thought I was happy. Tired of believing new chapters are always here, so long I flipped the page. Tired of letting things take its course.
And I thought to myself, why do I give myself a fighting chance. A fighting chance to stand up for myself. A fighting chance to do what I believed in. A fighting chance to try, and take what I want! And not allow any fuckers to tell me no.
But when I thought yes, I should fight, I started to re-questioned myself. And the many possible rejects and defeats faced. And I thought what if I can’t face the disappointment, and what if the blow is too hard to handle.
Damnnnnn I was never like this, and now I’m all that crap!! But I’ve decided to take a tiny step forward and defend my fucking puny life!! Cause at the end of the day, I want to know that I’m strong and I fucking love myself.
Work can screw itself, if I failed this year cause I’ve already had enough with the remarks made abt me being young ): Life can screw itself if I have to listen to what I’m required to do. And love can also screw itself, when I’ve already let it out, and on the line.
Cause Denise Ong had really fucking changed! And I don’t take no anymore for an answer!
Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.