I was talking to Lovely, and my god whatever she was telling me make so much fucking sense. Why do you resemble James so much. Why in every single way, every single wrong way and yet I am so fucking attracted to you. We had so much fun that damn, why bother thinking about ‘us’. I have seen the ugly side of us trying to be ‘us’. It fucking scared the shit out of me, knowing you trying to control my life suddenly. And yes, I’ve to admit that I broke down, cause I thought you were different.
Never mind, we are back to square one and damn I feel so much better, a breath of fresh air and space to move about.
What Lovely had said is true, I’m quite thankful that you’re being honest with me. And at least I know what and where we stand, unlike James. Where he simply thinks he is so clever to hide so many things from me. And according to Lovely, where I loosely quote,
” If you’re comfortable of what’s going on now let it be. And who knows, you may have the ability to change him”.
LOL. Cause her reason was, by then I would know what’s good and bad, and I will be able to judge easier and decide clearer. So true. And besides, I have never been the one who needs anyone, just a male companion. And certainly, I’m simply not ready for emotional input. It is not as if I have not tried like last year, but it put me down cause I thought so much. Thought about my future with you, when clearly it ain’t going to happen. So I was so god-damn emotional that it suck balls literally.
So screw the searching, and start enjoying.
Sometimes, talking to the girlfriends are the best thing on earth. They understand you loads, and they help you with linkage and bring you back to reality. And no matter what happens, they are god-damn supportive!!
LOVELY I LOVE YOU! Why do you always make sense, and always see it at my point of view.