I cried til, I had to fucking cab home.
I couldn’t even looked into the students eyes when they asked me how did they fair. The negative remarks and all is getting me down. I am doing my best, and I am trying to hold the fort down, and people are swamping in giving ridiculous comments, and nearly none were constructive. And I wonder, am I really that horrible and failed as a fucking teacher.
All day long, I had not eaten, rushed to get the shoes sizes changed and costumes picked up. Made all the headpieces from scratch. Once back in school, I had to run rehearsal, do hair and make-up by myself, single-handedly. I ate probably just a bite and run off to continue rushing for hair and make-up. The actual showing, the floor was so slippery and nothing can be done, except to pray fucking bad and hoped for the best. And after all that is done, I received comments about the costumes, without listening to the reason why it is in such a way, comments about the ballet shoes (WTF!!), comments about the hair being in a mess, when no one helped me or listened to why the hair is in such a way.
NO ONE FUCKING LISTEN TO ME AT ALL.
Then why bother hiring me? I am young and I have fresh ideas about dance. And the school is being sent under the International dance, and yet the whole fucking school are so caught up with the tradition. Then why bother changing the dance instructor? Why put me in misery with so many restriction? Why isn’t there a fore-warned, or pre-discussion before anything was made, created and finished.
Monday is the start of the school break, and I am trying so hard not to give up. I am still trying to stand strong, and hold my ground. And I am still trying to prove something to the world. But I think I am crumbling so fast, that it almost feel like a landslide, with so many things piling on top of me. Making me fighting for air.
But I think I’m tired of trying my best already.