Unknowingly, girls are always the weakest link when come to love.
I don’t understand, why that dude can be the most demanding, unappreciative and bastard asshole, and yet we want him back. We want to forgive him, even though your friends tell you to leave him, cause whatever he has done to you doesn’t justify anything.
I been through it before with James. And certainly am going through it now with silly lover-boy. And with someone awesome waiting for me, after so many years.
I was talking to darling and telling her, how I am so touched by J cause he waited even though I hurt him not once, but twice. And yet he is there for me, for 3yrears. Painfully shy and scared, but nonetheless there. But yet the feeling for him is not totally there, pretty much a mixed feeling, just cause I don’t want this crazy friendship with him to die. If I were to make another decision again.
Here I am on the crossroad of liking someone, knowing that never in the million years I can ever be with him. Not now, not in the near future. Knowing that I will be hurt over and over again but yet I can’t seem to get out of it. Cause the many times, I tried, he entered again. And we are back dancing the same old Tango. And truthfully, it is simply not fair to me. Cause I am not a whore like him, and I will not make myself looked like one. I am trying to draw a line, but every time lover-boy just enter and blurred it so badly with ability to read my fucking mind, and know what I want and need.
Fucked-up, I know.
I guess, every single girl been through it one way or another, and it really suck balls when you know that you shouldn’t at all. Cause at the end of the day, you return back to the same old shit, like some re-run episodes on daytime channels. Irritating and disappointing. I know, I have been through it, and am still going through it.
At the end of the fucked-up day, I or we still wants you back in our small little, insignificant life, but nonetheless happy moments.
Seriously, last warning to myself. I need to get out of the sticky web.