Seriously, I’ve a million things on my mind. And I don’t know where to begin.
Thinking back, I wonder what have I done. And who am I honestly! And the fucking have I been doing? Why am I like this? What is wrong with me?
I can’t comprehend myself. I just can’t justify what I’m doing anymore.
Today, I went to meet Mercy after so long. And I think I still need her, to help me along the way. I cannot explain or understand my own action. And I’m tired to be on a standstill. The incident made me realise how destroyed I’m. That this particular incident was the final blow. We talked about it a little and as usual, I cry that much again, and I’m surprised that it still is stuck on me. I’m angry with him, angry with the betrayal, angry with the unthinkable, angry with the violation and more importantly angry with myself.
I am beyond and am tired trying to tell anyone. So I rather just move on quietly, after all I still have some pride left. I refused to give up on myself. And I refused to be unhappy anymore.
You know how I could never get the whole “behind every smile” thingy, til now. Behind all my smile, lies a river of tears. A memory of pain, and scar of torture, and burden of nightmares. But I’ll move on. He’s happy, and I’m here alone in the dark. Ridicule and mock at.
Haha can you imagine, I’m in a mall, alone tearing every so lightly! Thinking, and so alone.
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