I always wonder what did I do wrong.
Could it be I am too difficult to handle, or too different than the rest. What is wrong with me, that people find it hard to accept. Am I too loud, do I speak my mind, and am I way too stubborn for anyone to handle. Is it my bad habits, forgetfulness, or the fact that I am unable to be a girl.
Falling ill have brought the worse in me, and I was having PMS too, since my period is coming. And god nothing is working out. I beating myself hard. Pushing my students like slave-workers. Snapping at anyone, before finally crashing in bed since 2.30pm. And all of the sudden, pent-up emotions rushed to me, like never before. I was crying and crying, motionless and dead. And all I can think of is to sleep. Haven’t eaten a single meal, never drank a single drop. I was curling up in one corner, in and out of sleep. And my mother knows, cause I had to sleep next to her, and she care for me without breathing a word.
Last night, I cried myself to bed, thinking “Fuck! Am I such a terrible person?”. And today I continued to cry.