Sometimes, I hate alone moments with my mother.
“Are you seeing anyone? Is he your boyfriend”
No mother, I am not. How can I tell you that I am seeing someone special, but ain’t exactly going anywhere. How can I tell you that I am not exactly your little girl anymore? How can I tell you, that your plan isn’t following well. How do I tell you that what I do, or where have I been? And how can I tell you that I still cry myself to sleep?
Of course, I can’t tell you all these.
BUT mother, what I can tell you is, I an doing very well on my part in concealing alot of stuff from you. I am doing well to make myself happy. And at times, I am truly happy. Happy to move on with dancing, with people who share the same common interest. Happy to be with my girlfriends, even though largely most of them are pretty much attached. Happy to have Twinkle, cause I would whisper all the tiny secrets that are and never will be for your ears. Happy to be fat, actually, cause I love my food. Happy to be myself, and not someone else, that people are forcing me to be.
And so mother, don’t ask that question. Wait for me to to tell you,
“Mummy, I am getting married.”
And then you know, that I am seeing someone special who love me more than I actually love myself. Because right now mother, anyone special will be gone in the next minute.