It is done, I need to stay focus. This weekend had been a whirlwind of emotions, that is riding on illness. I have 4 months to stay strong for my students, my work and myself, before I can genuinely crash and burn. To be honest, I don’t know if I am actually doing the right thing, to be strong or rather to put on a strong front.
Every morning when I wake up, it is like a constant battle with myself. But I dragged myself out of the bed, faced the world with a smile on my face, and went head on teaching. The places where I used to hide behind everyone masks, are no longer applicable to me. I have no where to go, and nowhere to drown my emotions. It is that constant feeling of hiding that I am so tired of, but I can’t help feeling the way.
Sunday had been a difficult day for me, in the morning, but after letting it all go finally, I close my eyes to shed one final tear and looked forward, behind the lens of my sunglasses. And coming from from work, into the house of familiar happy faces, painting a storm making it ready for the New Year, I simply have to smile.
My daddy have been mischievous as usual, and mummy at her non-stop nagging. Of course my lazy sister, still in bed, with the black out curtain shutting the day away and finally my brother wondering what goodies have I bought for the family. Family day on Sunday just brought so much happiness, no matter how mundane it is. The business out of nothing, and being together without doing anything together. Finally the connection without saying a single word.
My life always looked so out there and so colourful, but I really need is comfort. Something so simple, never easily obtained. I don’t need money, nor I need status. For all I need is comfort, peace and the serenity of life.
Tomorrow will be one hell of a long day, waking up at 5.30am and finishing the day by 9.30pm. Hopefully, I remember to have something small in between, while welcoming the craziness. I can do this.
For myself, my students and my goals.