I think I am on a crossroad of making a life changing moment for myself. Friday felt just so life-changing. Met up with all the old girls, and it felt good, to see them after so long, like 5years and counting. And surprisingly they are not the close girls that I am talking about. None from my batch except Jenny.
Which makes me wonder, sometimes. Just maybe we are not that close afterall.
The beautiful wedding, it woke me up in a way, to see myself so wayward that I got myself thinking and very emotional. I looked at myself now, and see that I have strayed so far away from when I just started my life, with that silly little dream. I am disappointed that I have not maintain the dancer in me, and let even my body go. I am still a small lady, compared to the mainstream, but nonetheless, non dancer-like frame. I can tell, the difference, and I am upset.
While the wedding is no doubt absolutely lovely, the conversation in between is slightly different, and expected. I am sure everyone is just curious about me, and my colourful life (as compared to theirs), and as usual, comments have been made, and remarks have been said. And while I tried not to let any emotions show (which I think over the 4years, I am well quipped and trained), it does affected me as the night rolled out. I need to start getting myself back to shape, back to the once 40kg that I was, and also cutting back on the social nights (which unknowingly I am doing that quite successfully), work on my life goals, and simply grow up (officially).
It is scary but I am turning 25 this year, and so much have happened within the past 4years or so. I fell in love twice, got heartbroken twice, work fucked me many times, and many times leaving me feeling so useless. I cried, got drunk, and angry so many times that I can’t count anymore. But of course there were moments where I felt loved by those who cared and those who may not understand, but stood by me.
25years might sound so insignificant, as there is so much in life, ahead of me. But the phase of the young and wild will definitely passed, the minute March looms and approaches. I am definitely keeping the head up, and continue to take many more beating, cause life is what it is supposed to be, colourful.
Anyways, having to be at a friend’s wedding made me happy not just for her, but also about life. To see that everything have a place, and anything is possible. I am not giving up even if I don’t find my other half, because I have inner self standing by me.