Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t be doing this, and I feel so second place. I tend to put so many people before me that I forget about myself. And that I should treat myself better.
Today is that classic example for feeling so unworthy. It just makes me all the more to strive harder for my goals I have set for myself. I need to focus and bury myself further.
The 1st thing to get in order is to move out by this year and stay by myself. It may sound scary, especially when I am those whom, cannot be alone. But things just have to done and in a drastic manner. I cannot help feeling useless and defeated heading home, thinking and dazing. Just like tonight’s car ride home, I felt like I am placed second cause I don’t voice out. I cannot blame anyone, but myself. And well I allowed it to happen.
Very sad, but sadly I have no more tears to shed.
Secondly, I will register my own company and work like a dog to save for a 3 year plan to set a small studio near my area (be it if I do move out or not). A big ambition for that tiny girl, but things have to be done. I need it to rely and lean on heavily.
Just trying so hard not to think, and plus trying so hard to change every single aspect of my lifestyle now. How much can I push on, a lot is to be seen. I just hoped I have to strength to not look back anymore.
“You kept asking me what I want, but all I want is comfort. Can you give me that? The simplest of them all”