On every CNY, grandma always asked us to pray to the gods an asked for something deep within our hearts. As I pray to my gods in heaven, I asked for happiness and health, just like what I do every single year.
I asked that my family will always be safe and always close to my heart. And that whatever they want, somehow they will receive it one way or another. I prayed and asked for my personal happiness and that one day I will not stare at my own room thinking that something is truly missing.
I am not sure if I will ever gain that personal happiness. That personal happiness, not what I receive from the world but what I receive from my heart, and that I hope to find it one day. And of course hopefully not too late too, as well.
All I need is to focus, change my lifestyle and push on. I am growing older and in life is not about just about the electric colours, sometimes the blacks and whites are the most beautiful.
CNY day 2 should have been beautiful, mundane and utterly peaceful. Why do you have to ruin the whole day for me. Why?