Shush my little girl

Taking a shower is the hardest thing, for me nowadays. Staring at myself, at my body and I saw myself so fragile, so thin that I scare myself.

The last time, I am that thin, was almost 7 years ago. When I was having so much stress with school and how bad, I kept thinking to myself, I am as a dancer. How one dance could screw my self confidence. And that bad moment still haunts me, even if I always lied to myself otherwise.

It’s bad, in a different scenario. As much as I am trying so hard to move forward, it’s still so difficult for me. Unknowingly my lifestyle changed, my eating habit sucks. And there I am staring at myself in the mirror, stark naked, bones and all. My face looked old, so tired. And I am just not ready to face my birthday feeling like that.

I just don’t know how.

I am still trying, but as tired as I am, I can’t seemed to move on faster than I moved on with James. I am scared, scared shit about the days in loom. I am on a verge of a meltdown in my own corner. I need something. Right now. Someone, some work, some new apartment, something.

What is wrong, with me?

What makes this scenario different from every setback I have with James, and every other guys I have dated?

But the door have closed. I will do whatever to keep it close.

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Just another girl

Always thinking, always wondering. living everyday. She is standing strong for herself, looking forward and always try to be positive. Now, tell her something that she don't already know.

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