I am so frustrated. Why do I work so hard, for my passion? Why am I the only one whom wants something in return. What can I possibly gain? Why am I crushed by so many obstacles. I am losing every senses. And I feel so discourage. I hate this job at this current moment.
All I do is to pay and pay and pay some more.
Pay with my own cash, pay with my own time, pay with my own health, pay with my sleep.
I am so dishearten. When can I see the light at the end of the tunnel. When can I have someone to lean on, and whisper that I am doing just fine.
Cause I don’t think I can hang on any longer.
Tuesday, is the start of the usual long day, school march holiday have finally ended, and things are back to normal. The only abnormal is my sleep. And last night, it is the worst case ever.
I basically slept in cold sweat, shivering in a room that is warm and cosy, tossing and turning until my sister grunting annoyance in her sleep. All I can think of is, having a pair of steady arms around me to hug me to sleep and whisper that everything will turn out fine.
To be up by 6am for my morning class, and realizing that SYF crunch time is here with my costumes are not ready, and everything is not what I want and deserve. I am truly at my breaking point, with no one helping me at all. Everyone think that I am a miracle worker, but I am also human. I have my weak moments. And right now, these few weeks in march is my damn vulnerable moment.
House hunting is not as smooth as I hoped it should be. Nothing strikes me at all, and I am desperate. I need to expand out and search further. And all these time, I am wondering if I am pushing myself and forcing myself into independence. Am I cutting myself further than before. Am I just numbing myself?
Between work, life, and house, how much can this tiny girl take.