I tried so hard to control these tears but it is just way too difficult for me. After today, I know that I will most definitely lose this school in which I worked so hard for. 3 years and poof just like that, it will vanished and I am back at square one. I am just so disappointed in the outcome and how much dance is always view as last place.
I had to rage war, a war in which I know is a losing one. But I need to stand up for my beliefs, and stand my ground. But all I feel is utter defeat.
Schools and teachers at the end of the day will never take me and what I do seriously. Just because my job is unusual doesn’t make my job unimportant. What I never understand is why can’t they give me the adequate support that I need. I can always run a one man show. But I cannot fight the world, alone.
Everything just flashed back to months back, at how insecure I felt when I was with Andrew, and how I need to be a certain way, have a certain job and act a certain way. I can see how many will always view me and my job like its a hobby. And that I am that girl, whom shouldn’t be taken seriously. It is that bemused faces on everyone’s faces that disgusted me. Deeply. I see how many people are never that supportive about my passion and my work. It realized that I will always be alone, in the world of conformity and reality. It shows that the society is not ready for change and will never be prepared for any change.
I don’t know what am I holding on anymore. To prove the world, or for myself? It has been 5 years and honestly I am tired on the battle.
Am I ultimately just a joke?