Defeated

I tried so hard to control these tears but it is just way too difficult for me. After today, I know that I will most definitely lose this school in which I worked so hard for. 3 years and poof just like that, it will vanished and I am back at square one. I am just so disappointed in the outcome and how much dance is always view as last place.

I had to rage war, a war in which I know is a losing one. But I need to stand up for my beliefs, and stand my ground. But all I feel is utter defeat.

Schools and teachers at the end of the day will never take me and what I do seriously. Just because my job is unusual doesn’t make my job unimportant. What I never understand is why can’t they give me the adequate support that I need. I can always run a one man show. But I cannot fight the world, alone.

Everything just flashed back to months back, at how insecure I felt when I was with Andrew, and how I need to be a certain way, have a certain job and act a certain way. I can see how many will always view me and my job like its a hobby. And that I am that girl, whom shouldn’t be taken seriously. It is that bemused faces on everyone’s faces that disgusted me. Deeply. I see how many people are never that supportive about my passion and my work. It realized that I will always be alone, in the world of conformity and reality. It shows that the society is not ready for change and will never be prepared for any change.

I don’t know what am I holding on anymore. To prove the world, or for myself? It has been 5 years and honestly I am tired on the battle.

Am I ultimately just a joke?

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Just another girl

Always thinking, always wondering. living everyday. She is standing strong for herself, looking forward and always try to be positive. Now, tell her something that she don't already know.

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