I realised, after talking to Jaclyn, that I missed my boy terribly. Even though he is gone for only 2 days, I can’t help but to miss his calls, and all the nonsense. Although, yes i can function well without him, doing my own thing, I can’t help but to feel something is missing.
Talking to Jaclyn made me realised that we have indeed gone through a lot. Talking to Jaclyn, showed me how lucky we are and how envious people are of us. Talking to Jaclyn tells me that we are amazing, in midst of chaos and uncertainty. Talking to her made me relived those dreadful days, when I was so broken and so jaded. Talking to her now, relived my days with James and I realised how much of a better place I am right now. Although many can argue that I still have a looming uncertainty, I will still keep my faith in us.
I know it is kinda of late to write and pen this down, but slightly more than a month ago, James was standing there in front of me, after so long. At first I couldn’t register who he was, but the burning stare made me took a second glance. And the 1st thing, that went through my mind, was
“Holy shit, he had not changed one bit. That smile, and the flirtatious twinkle in those eyes.”
All I want was to avoid and pretend. I didn’t want him to walk up and make small talk cause it is kind of stupid, pretty much redundant. Besides, I didn’t want Andrew to know he is here (cause it is really pointless, he is so meaningless already). But true to all my girlfriends’ words, he went up to say hi. And to think that I said otherwise. LOL I guess, I really did not know him as well as my girls (whom see the true colour of him).
How did I fall for such traps, I would never figure that out, but at least when I see Andrew’s twinkling cheeky eyes, I see love through them.
Nothing has changed, he served as a painful reminder of what should never happen every again. But with that being said, I still have a long lifetime to learn about a relationship. And everyday is a new experience. Patience is one of the few things I learnt in this relationship, patient with him, patient with us, patient with the future.
I miss hugging that lump of love.