It have been a long long while since I wrote and pour my soul out into this page. The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of excitement and progress. Suddenly everything looked wonderful, and yet we both know there is some underlying meaning.
There have been talks about the future, and I am afraid quite literally. I don’t know if I should be myself or be the person, the family will respond and in hopes and return actually like. I am so afraid that I will disappoint, in him and largely in myself.
Ting and Sharilyn asked the same thing, “Am I ready?” “Am I happy?”. And in all honesty, I have no answer for it. I am simply waiting for the day to come, where I can hear the words and promises that I needed to know. I need to look into his eyes, and I know he wants me just as bad as I do for him, and I need to know that in time to come, he will support me and my happiness as much as I know I will do the same for him.
But alas, all are still in a long distant future if that future will ever be realized.
One thing I know for sure, is that when I see his face, I will smile uncontrollably. Or when I hear his voice, my heart still skipped a beat. My heart still flutter when I am near him, and I still want to play dress up, when I am out with him (or maybe it is just me, being so vain). Sometimes, I tried to push him away, and be a little more “single” and largely independent, but I realized how much I can’t do without his presence and more importantly his support and encouragement.
I understand now, what my mom meant to find my other half. It is that important, to wake up smiling, in which I have been doing so for a long while now. Although, at times, I would wonder about the space/gap where we had a somewhat messy moment, I chose not to pry and move on. Cause I don’t think I can handle it, but I trust and know that my intuition is RIGHT.
Tonight is date night, with him. It had been awhile since we have a date night.