Spending the whole day in the office, is scary. My worst nightmare, of being trapped in a small constraint space have been realised. I always have this fear of being kept in a small space, and it is finally here to bite my ass HARD.
I am coping well, thus far, but who know how long will this last. I have a lot to learn and honestly, this one day is scary. I cannot imagine my life after today and what I really actually have to do. Everybody have been kind and very patient with me, but we all know that reality is never all fluff and butterflies. I feel so useless, out of place and most importantly, unimportant.
I have always take pride in my work, and what I do for the world and the arts. I have always take pride in my self-worth and all my years of mini-achievements and future. And now, I am caught at 25 year old, unsure with my life. I suddenly felt like I am girl fresh out of school, unsure where to lay her footprints behind.
A dancer to a possibly full-fledged OL working in the Machinery Industry, I wonder.. How far can I stretch myself, before I may crumble and wave the white flag.
Communication is still lacking in every corner. I still have virtually nothing to talked about to his parents. There is still the barrier there, and I don’t know how to climb or break that wall down.
Maybe I am still not ready, maybe I still don’t have the strong support to rely on. Maybe time is essentially not right yet.