December is here and my heart is desperate to return home for Christmas with my love ones It is my 1st time not being home for Christmas and celebrate it. (My family is big on Christmas, even popo). The main reason why I refused to stay on the trip is because I feel that I don’t have the same excitement as the rest. So many factors, like what we will be doing there and concerts they want to go (like seriously I am not a fan of K-pop. Not now, not ever.)
The possibly of playing the waiting game, and seeing what they want to do. Or maybe the utter possibility of difference will be shown when we are there. I want different things, just be in Korea and let the korean culture flow into my veins.
I don’t know. Maybe I will explore Korea on my own. Maybe it is time to dig up old friends staying there and hang with them.
I feel that I am very separated front the group. They were fun while it lasted, but everyone went off doing there own stuff, everybody is heading in a different chapter of life. It is normal, to feel distant. But I wonder is it me, who distant myself from them? We have different outlook and Andrew have an different opinion about them too, not as if some of his friends hit any good impression.
Suddenly found myself unable to click with the things they will chat about, simply felt that it is just not age appropriate for me. (God, I sound like I am a minor) School and relationships, are a thing of the past. I don’t want to talk about it, neither do I want to relive everything. We grow up for a reason, and I am stuck with new problems to walk through.
25 years old, and unclear of where I should head to. I am struck with a sudden prospect of investments and property. Or even with industrial parts and trucks. I am so caught up with my future and many unseen issues, and my life with him.
They were fun to be with when we are all out to have a good time, but after awhile, I find it exhausting to accommodate with them and worse, boring. The talk about things that are redundant, or even trying to meet up after school hours, or school breaks. I think just maybe, I am the one being difficult. The real world of office and working life, have indeed struck me hard, real hard.
Things everyone talk about is so profound and pending. All the topics are so relevant to me. Money, housing, family, social, and property. Everyone talks about what should be done to make more money, what should be invest on, and what brands or things I should be aware of. The world news, which I have never once cared about, suddenly keep me in the know.
Everyone I have recently hang out with are just so adult, and my mother isn’t helping either. Hanging out with all my Lasalle friends and seniors (don’t forget that I am the youngest among them), make things slightly so grown-up as well. In the midst of dance talks, and teaching, I hear about the impending rise of housing and crazy taxes. Even like baby talks are somehow thrown in for good measures.
And I wonder..
What am I actually doing with my own life.
I am slowly growing accustomed to my supposed life, and all the impending responsibilities I need to take it by the horns. Life with Andrew will not be an easy one, that is for sure. I know what will be thrown at me, I have seen him work and I have seen him with a fiery temper, and his parents told me to be prepared.
AM I EVER READY??
Who say you stop growing once you hit legal is bull. I still feel like a kid unsure about anything.
PS: I am flying home early, and in secret. But most importantly, Hopefully, Andrew fly to South Korea to find me. But I know that will never ever going to happen. I know him well. Maybe a little too well, to hope.