I am studying. Literally.
And it is not to complete my degree or masters in dance. Or anything to do with teaching or education.
I am studying operational management. Or at least the fundamental of it.
Clicking on the course and watching the online professor raved and marveled about the importance and beauty of the subject, I couldn’t say that I have the same passion and interest. But I joined and signed up and tried my very best.
Listening to just the introduction and module one, I can say that I am lost, defeated and alone. I tried so hard to understand and place myself in the industry. But, deep down, I know I am not cut for it.
I am even embarrassed to let my mother see me watch such videos, because I know what she is thinking. Her own daughter is conforming to society against her will, and she have no choice.
Many sleepless nights, waking at every hour have taken a toll on me mentally, I am just tired, trying to force myself to sleep and willed everything away.
I know where I stand, and I know my duties.
I will try harder.
People reading this, will say that I am crazy. But love don’t come knocking on any door twice. Not at least great love. He have shown so much of himself, and how much he is willing to throw aside for me and my wants. He have shown that he is in this for me and that all he wants is for me to be happy.
He have shown so much.
I need to show that I can overcome the parents’ factor.
Love is not about giving up. And I am not prepared to. Not just yet. Not when he is holding me tightly.
Not just yet.
But words are like blades of a samurai, it cuts deeper than any physical swords. And it plunges you deeper than any amount of water and it drown your soul more so than taking the very air you breathe.
But I will try harder.