I hoped that you are doing well, getting used to your new home. I hoped that you have gone to a good place, in peace and in happiness. I hoped that you continued to watch over us, and continued to give us all your blessing and love.
You have finally gone to a better place.
I think although we anticipated this very day to come, I don’t think I quite accept it yet. We were hoping and praying that you will live a little longer, although living the rest of the days in the hospice isn’t really living. But I know you lived bravely and strongly for all of us, children and grandchildren.
How I wished, I was married young and early enough for you to attend my wedding. But the day will never come, but I will always put you in my heart, so that you can attend it and rain smile on me.
As we say our final prayers and goodbye, I realised that I couldn’t accept that you are gone from us, the living and right into the afterlife of the dead.
Looking at you sleeping so peacefully is a far cry of the fateful Sunday that we watch you take your last but painful breath. I cried, not because you have gone, but remembering all those times you watch me grow up from a baby to the woman I am right now.
And although, we have a communication breakdown, I know that you are always sitting somewhere quietly watching me and my siblings and the rest of the cousins. How fast you grow so frail, and how we are so ignorant about you and your age.
As I circle you one last time, I willed my tears to stop from flowing but I couldn’t do the same as we walked with you on your last journey out from your HDB flat in Ang Mo Kio. Memories keep rushing and flashing by and all I know is that I am still in a painful denial.
The hardest would be at the cremation area, how much I poured as we bowed our last respect for you. Gonggong, I hoped that you are happier now and at peace. Remember all your grandchildren, although we are not always there for you, but we remember all the ice creams and pickup truck rides.
Watch over us, we love you.
Denise (eldest granddaughter)