Life is just hard when you feel insecure.
I feel that I don’t have a guarantee in life anymore. I always believe that I can just walk away when I needed to, but it seemed that it more difficult than expected.
It’s painful to see girls flinging themselves at you, and you claim that they are just friends. Friends do not grind hard onto you. Friends do not put their arms around you, just to pretend that they are drunk. And more important friends do not need to exchange any numbers.
Last Saturday was quite a painful sight to watch. And to see you drunk, and to see you giving your number freely. And to have your friends watching everything that had happened with me.
And everyone is texting and asking if I am okay. When clearly, I am not! I wear my emotions on my sleeves just as I bear my broken heart out just to feel it getting stabbed hard recently.
That night, everything happened so fast, and I just want to go home. Home where I feel safe and away from you. Home where I know love truly exist unconditionally.
I don’t know how to tell you, how insecure I am feeling. And my work have always give me the strength and independence to just be myself and walk away.
But now I can’t. I have told everyone that concerned with work that I can’t teach or take up any projects anymore. And it hurts, when I received a singular text asking if I am sure about it.
Maybe a month ago, I would feel certain and confident because I have the strength and trust in you. But now, I have nothing. Absolutely nothing. And it just scare the shit out of me.
I have no confidence.
Am I safe with you?