Is it all worth it?

Today I am a fool.

A big one. A fool that have no idea where to hide her face, feeling every bit like an ostrich, and wanting to bury her face into the ground.

I have come to realization that I am doing so much that I have finally lost myself. Is it all worth it? To bend over backwards to please and seek approval that even my parents wouldn’t need it. Who am I really doing for? For myself? Or for them?

Sitting here alone, lost and not knowing what to do next sucks. It really do, and it showed how alone I am on this journey. I feel like fish out of the water, uncertain and unclear of my future and path.

Best of all, unclear of myself.

Who am I again? Who is Denise? I am losing sight and losing goal. Just not confident anymore.

Just yesterday, Andrew told me that I don’t have a sense of humor anymore. And I am so tense, and can’t take joke anymore. It’s true, I feel myself so unlike myself. I am no longer the person, everyone knew. No longer carefree or relax.

Tense is the word.

I feel myself afraid of everything, that I have nothing, not even myself. Where would I go? Try and rewind and revert to my job as an educator and try to compete with the fresh graduates and start from ground zero? Can I even?

Today, I am the biggest fool.

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Just another girl

Always thinking, always wondering. living everyday. She is standing strong for herself, looking forward and always try to be positive. Now, tell her something that she don't already know.

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