The year just started and already it hurts my brain. I thought Someone who is willing to take his chances with me. Don’t trust me at all. 

At all. 

If the least trust, that’s you can’t muster. Then why stay with me. Last night, was terrible. You asked me what do I want. 

Happiness. And right now I’m not happy. I’m sad more than I’m angry now. 


Plans and the next year. 

With the concert finally done and over with. I reflect on the year as it’s coming to a close. 

Never think that I’ll come back in a fucking full circle to where I started. I never think that I’ll restart and redo, but I did. Worked with children all over, and I’m glad that I did. They taught me new found patience, and New experiences. 

The kids have so much potential and I’m glad that I’m giving myself another chance to work with these bunch of fun-loving, hair pulling, nonsensical children. From my babies of 2.5 to my big girls at 10. They gave me so much joy and pain at the same time. 

Moving forward, I undertook an new role and hopefully and more pernament one. I became full time. It’s time to settle down for sure, and proceed with life happiness. With or without anyone by my side. 

But I honestly glad that I still have so many close friends by my side. I’m so thankful, even though I largely still trapped in my own Colour and world, these close one are still there at the gate waiting for me. No judgement. No frown upon on. 

And to my partner, who never failed to make me as happy as I can possibly be Everyday. All those small matter, mattered so much. And you took great length to make me happy. No pressure, no expectations, no ideas forced onto me. 

You tried and continued to accept me for who I am, emotions and vulnerability. Thank you. 

“I admire your strength and joy when you talk about these children. Seeing you smile makes me want to love you more every single day”. 

And secretly, to my only Sister. Finally married and before me of course. I was a little sad, a little nostalgic. Thinking of all the planning I did. But my family have been sensitive towards me and I’m so grateful. I still remember the date that I’m supposed to be a Mrs. Maybe it will take another year to forget, maybe I’ll never forget. But seeing my Sister so happy, I can’t help but to feel that love is still out there. Somewhere. 

Somewhere waiting to shower every inch of warmth in this still cold heart. 

I’m still hopeful, but probably need to take a huge faith and an undying love from a man whom will hold me so fircerly and closely that I suffocate in that burning love.